Dear Miss Manners: I underwent weight-loss surgery — gastric sleeve — and can consume only about one-third cup of food at a time. In addition, my doctor has put me on a high-protein, low-carbohydrate, low-fat diet. Keeping my carbs low prevents me from being hungry and overeating. I’ve also been warned not to consume alcohol for at least a year after surgery, perhaps longer.
My problem is that my husband and I are planning a trip to Sicily. When we go to a nice restaurant, I won’t be able to consume a regular-size meal.
Should I share a single meal with my husband, or should I just leave most of my plate untouched? Is it okay to ask for a box to take home the rest of the meal? Should I explain the reason for my behavior to the waiter?
None of these solutions are ideal, but which one of them is the “least bad”? Or are there other solutions that I haven’t thought of?
I don’t want to offend the chef or the waiter, nor do I want to look like a silly American. After four years of Italian lessons, my Italian is getting pretty good.
As no level of fluency in Italian is going to save you from being considered a silly American, Miss Manners suggests you concentrate instead on what you can control.
The two things most likely to trouble your Italian waiter are the box to take home leftovers, and the unstated assumption that Italian restaurant portions are, like American portions, grotesquely large (they are not). Order dinner, eat what you can or wish to eat, compliment the meal and leave the rest alone — both the food and the explanations.
Dear Miss Manners: My co-worker is an enthusiastic crafter who delights in sharing her creations. While this is most generous, she will often preface the presentation with the statement that she doesn’t charge.
She has never been asked to craft anything for me or anyone else in the office. We always graciously accept her offerings, since to do otherwise would greatly offend, but her statement is confusing and we never know quite how to respond.
She is a sweet, good-hearted person, and we never want to hurt her feelings. She is quite proud of her accomplishments, as well she should be. But I also do not want to accumulate, much less pay for, items that will not be displayed in my home, as we do not share the same decorating taste. How should one respond?
We all pride ourselves on being clever, but Miss Manners notes that sometimes it is better not to be too insightful.
If your co-worker says she is not charging, perhaps to skirt any rules about peddling in the office, then you are not expected to pay. And if reasonable attempts to dissuade her (“It’s so kind of you, but please do not think you need to do all this work — it’s too much”) fail, there is always the closet or the trash can.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
2021, by Judith Martin
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